Embracing Support: A Guide for Moms on Asking for Help

Are you feeling completely overwhelmed as a new mom? Are you in the trenches with multiple kids and a new baby, or simply just trying to juggle your life and kids? I hear you- it can be TOUGH. Motherhood is filled with amazing highs but can also have some tough lows. It can be so hard to admit to yourself and to others that you are struggling, and even harder to ask for and accept help.

Let’s talk about that- keep reading to learn more.

Here’s what we’ll discuss:

1. Postpartum Depression
2. Recognizing Your Limits
3. Building Your Support System
4. Communicating Your Needs
5. Self Care
6. Professional Help

Postpartum Depression

Real quick, let’s chat about postpartum depression. What does this mean, exactly? First off, know that about one in seven moms will suffer from postpartum depression. It’s not uncommon, and if you think you are experiencing this, you are not alone.

PPD typically develops within the first few months after giving birth, but it can manifest any time within the first year. Common symptoms include:

• Persistent feelings of guilty or shame
• Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness
• Irritability or anger
• Feeling depressed the majority of the day
• Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
• Feelings of panic or severe mood swing
• Thoughts of harming yourself or others

If you have been experiencing multiple of these symptoms for longer than two weeks, you may be experiencing postpartum depression. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! There is hope and healing in your future.

Recognizing Your Limits

It’s okay to admit that you are a human being and not superwoman. Maybe you are finding yourself thinking that you aren’t as “together” or “capable” as you thought you would be as a mom. This is totally normal. Besides, does anyone actually feel like they are totally together?

Despite the societal pressure to be a supermom who can handle everything effortlessly, the reality is quite different. If you’ve recently had a baby your body needs time to recover from childbirth, and your mind needs space to adjust to your new role. Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted with all of the schoolwork and sports practices you are managing. It’s okay to admit when you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted. In fact, it’s healthy to do so.

Admit to yourself that you cant do it all and see how much easier it gets to breath.

Building Your Support System

We have all heard the phrase “it takes a village.” Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and your baby. This could include your partner, family members, friends, neighbors, or other moms you met on an online support group.

You may be thinking you don’t have a village- but you could be completely wrong. Often times, others are just waiting for the opportunity to jump in and help. Maybe the mom down the street thinks she doesn’t have a village either, but all it takes is one of you to reach out first. Chances are, this will create a domino effect of genuine friendship and being there for one another.

Another way to build your support system is to allow others to help you. When that friend you haven’t seen in awhile says “let me know if you need anything”, believe her. If your mom or mother in law offers to babysit while you take a nap, don’t say no! Maybe the woman at your church offered to bring you dinner- let her! Maybe the mom who has a son on your son’s soccer team offered to pick him up for practice- let her! And the next time you have it in you, offer to do the same. Build your village.

Communicating Your Needs

This can be a tough one, but it is CRUCIAL! If you can’t communicate effectively, you can’t receive the help that you need.

Be honest with yourself and others about what you’re struggling with and how they can support you. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but remember that people who care about you want to help. Whether it’s asking your partner to take a nighttime feeding or asking a friend to pick up your groceries, don’t be afraid to speak up.

Something that may be helpful is to plan ahead. Plan out what you have to do the following week and decide what your current bandwidth is capable of. Let your partner know when you feel like you are running on a low tank and which things you will need help with. See what you can delegate out to people you trust. Set realistic expectations for you and for those you are asking help from.

Don’t forget, you are allowed to ask for help. You are worthy of being taken care of.

Self Care

This part is often overlooked, but it is sooo important! And self care is something you deserve. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritize taking care of yourself when it is possible. This looks different for everyone but can include things like getting your nails done, taking a long bath, going to the gym, or going shopping by yourself with your headphones in.

Let your partner know when you need time to do things for yourself. It can make all the difference and leave you feeling reset and rejuvenated!

Self care can also include celebrating your small wins. Practice positive self talk and give yourself a pat on the back after making it through a long day. Maybe you didn’t get frustrated at your kid when they knocked over their juice today- victory! Maybe you put away the laundry pile thats been sitting on the chair in your bedroom- victory!

Professional Help

Sometimes, the help you need can’t come from a friend or family member. And that is OKAY! There are licensed professionals out there who are waiting to help you feel like yourself again, and even therapists who focus on helping moms. It can be hard to take this step, but remember, you are not alone. According to this statistic, 55.8 million Americans sought help from a therapist or counselor in 2022.

If you are feeling like you need someone to help pull you out of the trenches, especially if you think you may be experiencing postpartum depression, please reach out and talk to someone who can help. A therapist can help you formulate a personalized plan to get you back on your feet. There is hope and healing in your future. You got this!