‘I Hate My Husband After Having a Baby’ and How to Navigate it

Have you ever thought (or voiced), in a postpartum hormonal rage, “I hate my husband!” Believe it or not, you are not alone in this. This is actually a common feeling, and a very common google search.

Bringing a baby into your life can be a beautiful and transformative experience. While it is often described as a time of love, joy, and fulfillment, the postpartum period can be incredibly challenging. Hormones are raging, your body is healing, and you’re probably more than a little sleep deprived. 

If you have resentment towards your husband post baby, and you want to know why and what to do next, keep reading. 

Here’s what we’ll cover in this article:

1. Understanding Post Baby Changes
2. Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, and Rage
3. Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Understanding Post Baby Changes

So, why do you hate your husband after having a baby? Probably because SO many things happen to us in the postpartum period, both internally and in our day to day lives. 

• Hormonal changes- after giving birth, you experience many hormonal changes. One thing that happens is the decrease of estrogen and progesterone. This can lead to baby blues, depression, and overall irritability and fluctuating emotions.

• Lack of sleep- caring for a newborn means exhaustion and sleepless nights. This can profoundly impact overall function and emotional well being.

• Changing roles- adjusting to a new role is hard! Especially when you and your spouse are both trying to figure out this new chapter of life. What you thought your partner’s role would be may not match what they pictured.

• Differing expectations- when you and your partner have different expectations when it comes to caring for the baby or keeping the house clean, it can cause tension. Maybe even resentment.

• Communication breakdown- lack of sleep, different expectations, hormone changes, and major role changes can all impact communication. Misunderstandings and built up frustrations can accumulate quickly!

Postpartum Depression

Have you ever heard the term “baby blues”? This is used to describe the postpartum stage where the mother feels things such as mood swings, sadness, loneliness, or anxiety. The prolonged and more serious version of this is classified as postpartum depression. 

You made have postpartum depression if you’ve experienced some of these symptoms for more than two weeks:

• Severe mood swings
• Frequent crying
• Withdrawal from loved ones
• Difficulty bonding with baby
• Insomnia
• Severe anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Intense irritability 
• Feeling worthless or hopeless
• Feeling inadequate 
• Feeling a sense of loss
• Poor concentration
• Thoughts of self harm or suicide 

Just like anxiety, postpartum depression can also be accompanied by postparum rage. Although it’s not uncommon, we typically hear less about postpartum rage compared to depression or anxiety. 

Postpartum rage is exactly what it sounds like- you feel anger and rage! It is easy for these strong emotions to be misdirected at your spouse, family, friends, and even your kids. With all of the changes happening to your body and the lack of sleep, emotions are all over the place.

You may be experiencing postpartum rage if you find yourself yelling or swearing more often, not being able to control your temper, having violent urges and thoughts, or even throwing things. It is also common to feel shame after these symptoms. Remember- you are going through so many changes, and motherhood is incredibly challenging. You are not abnormal or broken.

Know that there is hope, and things can get better!

Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

So maybe you have postpartum depression or rage after having a baby, and you find yourself hating your husband. It’s crucial to recognize that these thoughts are most likely a result of postpartum depression. 

Now that we’ve explored reasons for post-baby relationship struggles, let’s talk about how you can strengthen your relationship. 

1. Open and honest communication- this is crucial! Talk openly with your partner, because neither of you are mind readers. Share your feelings, concerns, fears, and frustrations.Tell your partner what you need from them and encourage them to do the same. Discuss goals you have for your family and your marriage.
2. Seek support from family and friends- this can help lighten your load and relieve stress. Ask for help. And ask other moms for advice, they might have gone through something similar.
3. Prioritize quality time- this can seem impossible in the newborn phase, but it is essential! It could be a family walk together, a short date night, or watching a show together while the baby is asleep. Try to connect in the small moments.
4. Practice self care- don’t forget about yourself! Finding time for yourself can help you to be able to take care of your baby and partner. Maybe you can relax in a bath, engage in hobbies you enjoy.
5. Practice empathy and forgiveness- remember that both you and your partner are in uncharted territory. You will both make mistakes and hurt each other’s feelings. Forgiveness is a valuable tool to help strengthen your relationship.
6. Seek professional help- if your struggles persist, there are people out there who can help. We can help! We can provide a safe and effective environment to explore strategies to strengthen your marriage and improve postpartum struggles.

Final Thoughts on Hating Your Husband after Having a Baby

The arrival of a new baby can bring immense joy, but it can also bring many challenges. This is especially true if you are experiencing postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is common and treatable. 

Please remember that these thoughts of resentment are normal, and they will pass. These thoughts do not mean that your relationship is doomed. With patience, empathy, and honest communication, your mental health and marriage can improve.

Communicating openly, prioritizing time together, practicing self care, and seeking support from others are just a few of the tools that can help you through this. Remember that all relationships go through ups and downs, but it’s how you choose to handle it that counts. 

You are not alone, broken, or a terrible person for resenting your husband after having a baby. If you are ready to seek help, please contact us today!