Teenager Acting Out? Here’s How to Manage

Ah, the blissful teenage years. You remember being one, don’t you? It’s time full of identity crisis, emotional rollercoasters, physical and physiological changes.

For some, raising teenagers can be one of the more challenging phases of parenthood. Since adolescents go through so many changes at this time, it’s not uncommon to feel like your child is “acting out” as they navigate their shifting identity and growing independence.

By understanding the root causes of your teen’s behavior and employing thoughtful strategies, you can better support your teen through this turbulent time. Keep reading to learn a few tips.

Here are two main sections we will cover:

1. Understanding Why They Are “Acting Out”
2. What You Can Do

Understanding Why Teenagers Are “Acting Out”

Teenagers often come with a set of stereotypes- dramatic, emotional, defiant, maybe even lazy. Teens experience an array of pressures, emotions, and hormonal changes, all of which can contribute to their phases challenging behaviors. Typically, our teenagers wont just act out for no reason at all. As parents, we need to remember what is going on inside of those ever changing bodies and minds. Here are some common reasons teenagers act out:

• Searching for identity– adolescence is a time of self-discovery. Teens are figuring out who they are, what they believe, and where they fit in. This quest might lead to some rebellion, as they test boundaries and assert independence.
• Power struggles– when our kids go to high school, and especially when they start driving, they gain a lot of new found independence. It’s not an uncommon thing for your teen to want more of that, and for you to want them to have less than they want. This can create a power struggle as your family tries to navigate what is right for your teen.
• Emotional/hormonal changes– the teenage years are marked by rapid changes in hormones, which can cause mood swings, impulsivity, and emotional outbursts. These fluctuations can make it harder for teens to manage their emotions effectively.
• Peer pressure– teens often feel pressure to fit in with their peers, leading them to make choices that defy family rules or their own better judgment. In some cases, this can lead to teens engaging in dangerous or illegal activities.
• Academic stressors– Many teens face pressure from school, extracurricular activities, and social dynamics. Balancing these aspects of life can be overwhelming, and some teens may act out as a way to cope with stress.

What You Can Do

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of why your teen might be acting out. Let’s explore some things you can do to combat these behaviors.

1. Stay calm and composed– when your teenager is acting out, it can be easy to respond anger, or punishment. However, reacting emotionally can escalate the situation. Instead, try to remain calm and composed. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your teenager’s behavior, though challenging, is a normal part of their development. (If your teenager is becoming violent or engaging in dangerous actives that can impact them for their rest of their lives, they might need a more serious intervention.)
   By maintaining your own emotional control, you model the behavior you want to see in your teen. This can help de-escalate conflicts and make it easier for your teen to open up about what’s really going on. This is what you want! You want your teen to be able to come to your with their struggles instead of hiding it because they are afraid of you.
2. Establish clear boundaries and expectations– remember when I said to not respond with yelling and punishment? Well, that doesn’t mean you should let your teen do whatever they want. Anger can be a good thing, and sometimes “punishments” are necessary.Teenagers need clear boundaries; setting consistent rules and expectations help to provide our children with a sense of structure and security. When you set rules such as curfew or doing homework, explain to them why you are making these rules. Think about what you want to happen if they break one of these rules- you can even include them as you try to come up with a fair punishment beforehand. Stay consistent!
3. Practice Active Listening– teens often feel misunderstood, which can lead to them shutting down or becoming more defiant. One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is to listen- REALY listen- to what your child is saying. This doesn’t mean just hearing their words but also paying attention to their body language and emotions.Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about everything going on?” or “What’s been bothering you lately?” Let them talk without interrupting, and acknowledge their feelings. This shows your teen that you’re genuinely interested in their perspective.
4. Offer support, not just discipline– this is a big one! Don’t just ground them and hope the situation goes better next time around. You can be a major support and influence in your teens life! Punishment is a temporary band aide, but it does not address the root cause.
   Instead of focusing solely on consequences, make sure you’re also offering emotional support. Let your teen know that you’re there for them and love them no matter what. Validate their feelings and offer reassurance that you’ll help them through whatever challenges they’re facing. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior, but it does mean approaching the situation with empathy and understanding. You can help them get to the root cause of their feelings and behaviors.
5. Encourage healthy outlets for expression– everyone can benefit from having outlets for their energy and emotions. This can include things like sports, exercise, music, writing, or art. You can also encourage down time or self charge so that they can recharge and relax.

Professional Help

If you feel like your teens behaviors go beyond the “typical” teenage symptoms of acting out, teen therapy & counseling can help. Therapy can provide a safe space for teens to talk about their struggles and learn healthy coping mechanisms. A therapist can also work with you as a parent by offering guidance on how to best support your child.

Final Thoughts on Teenager Acting Out? Here’s How to Manage

When your teenager acts out, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. However, with patience, understanding, and clear communication, you can guide them through these challenging years. By balancing structure, empathy, and support, you can provide a safe space for your teen to grow and learn. Remember, your teen’s brain isn’t fully developed yet.

Adolescence is a time of change, and acting out often reflects inner struggles. Stay calm, set clear boundaries, and offer emotional support to help them navigate this period and strengthen your relationship.

If you feel like your teens behaviors stretch beyond the typical “normal” acting out, consider reaching out. Therapy can help, and there is hope moving forward!