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Why Am I So Angry All The Time? How to Understand and Deal With Your Anger

by Christine Lawler LMFT | Mar 20, 2024

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “why am I so angry all the time?” Maybe you lash out at your partner or family members when you know they don’t deserve it. And maybe the little things in your day to day life just REALLY tick you off. Anger is a natural emotion, but it’s also a complex emotion that can be difficult to understand and manage.

This question  may not have a simple answer, but exploring the underlying causes and potential solutions can help pave the way towards a healthier emotional state. Keep reading to learn more.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

  1. Understanding Anger
  2. Unresolved Issues
  3. Identifying Triggers
  4. Anger Management

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Understanding Anger

Everyone experiences anger, and in some circumstances, it can be a beneficial emotion! But when it starts affecting your daily life and relationships, it can be damaging.

Do you find yourself scowling often, raising your voice, snapping at others, and feeling generally irritable or annoyed? Anger manifests differently in everyone; you may experience other symptoms like increased heart rate, sweating, clenched fists or jaw, or increased body temperature.

Anger can be caused by both internal and external influences. You might get angry because someone else got the promotion at work instead of you, or because the car on the freeway cut you off. Anger can also manifest as a cover up for what is happening inside of us. These internal feelings can be things like loneliness, heartache, stress, or fear.

Anger is a normal part of the human experience, but when it starts affecting your daily life and relationships, it may be time for some introspection.

Unresolved Issues

Sometimes, chronic anger issues stem from unresolved problems from our past. Traumatic experiences, childhood neglect or abuse, or ongoing conflicts in relationships can all contribute to deep-seated anger. When left untreated, these feelings can manifest in simple everyday situations. Therapy or counseling can be invaluable in helping to unpack and process these unresolved emotions, allowing for healing and growth.

For many, anger is a defense mechanism that protects against vulnerability. Unresolved issues often make individuals feel exposed, leading them to use anger as a shield to avoid confronting deeper feelings of hurt, sadness, or fear.

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Identifying Triggers

Do you often find yourself thinking, “why am I so angry all the time?” One of the first steps in managing anger is identifying your triggers. These triggers can be external, such as conflicts with others, traffic jams, or work-related stressors. They can also be internal, such as negative self-talk, unresolved trauma, or unmet emotional needs. Understanding what sets off your anger can provide valuable insight into underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Some triggers may be obvious; you might know already that if your partner leaves dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is ready to be loaded, you get angry. Maybe when you have to work with a particular coworker, they always set you off. Other triggers may be harder to pinpoint. You might be totally unaware of them.

For example, someone might feel a lot of anger and paranoia when a person close to them is being distant or unreliable. They may not realize that they are feeling that anger because they actually felt abandoned as a young child.

Anger can also manifest through physical cues before it becomes a fully apparent emotionally. These cues can include a racing heart, clenching your fists or jaw, feeling flushed, or sweating. By paying attention to these physical signals, you can learn to recognize when you’re starting to feel angry. This can help you trace those feelings back to their triggers.

Identifying triggers can be tricky, but a therapist can help you explore possible deep rooted causes for your anger.

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Anger Management

So, what can you do to help yourself not be so angry all the time? There are many different ways you can deal with your anger, but let’s talk about a few of them.

  1. Focused, deep breathing. Anger is often accompanied by shallow breaths. Focus on slowly and deeply breathing from your stomach to ground yourself.
  2. Sleep. Getting enough sleep can help you have the physical and mental energy to control your emotions.
  3. Exercise! Getting up and moving your body is extremely helpful. Exercise can be a tool to help exert all of your angry emotions in a safe and healthy way.
  4. Keep a journal. When you’re feeling angry, write down your emotions. This can help you pinpoint your feelings and release them in a therapeutic way. This can also be a way to help you keep track of your triggers.
  5. Therapy. If you are experiencing frequent and intense feelings of anger, a therapist can help. A therapist can help you identify your triggers, explore the deeper root causes, and give you a tailored approach to dealing with them.

Why Am I So Angry All The Time? Final Thoughts

Anger is a normal part of life, but sometimes it can be consuming and harmful. It can also be complex and not always easy to understand.

Chronic anger can have a profound impact on our lives- affecting our relationships, health, and overall well-being. By understanding your triggers, root causes, and implementing healthy management strategies, you can learn to manage your emotions. This will lead to a happier, more fulfilling life!

Remember, you are not alone in your struggles. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. With patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to change, it’s possible to overcome chronic anger and find peace within your life and in your relationships.

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About the Author

Christine Lawler LMFT

Hello, I'm Christine Lawler. I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and I’ve been practicing therapy for almost 13 years. I'd love to help you on your mental health journey! Contact me today!

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