Why Am I Unhappy With My Marriage?

When we agreed to walk down the aisle, many of us were excited for a future with our partner that would be filled with happiness and joy. However, the reality is that many people are currently unhappy with their marriages and there are many reasons for this.

When confronted with issues, many people think of giving up on their marriage right away, forgetting that there is no problem without a solution! Continue reading to find out some common factors for why you may be unhappy in your marriage and how a Marriage and Family Therapist can work with you and your spouse to resolve this. 

Here is what we’ll cover in this article:

1. Why am I unhappy in my marriage?
2. Common reasons for feeling unhappy in marriage 
3. What can I do about this? 

Why am I Unhappy With My Marriage?

Marriage has many “ups and downs” and it is perfectly normal to feel unhappy due to constant arguments, disagreements, and not being on the same page as your partner. A marriage can be hard work and if the unpleasant feeling continues for long periods of time and when you are unhappy in your marriage, it is definitely a sign that you both must sit together, communicate the feeling, and work on it together.

However, this is easier said than done. You and your partner may not know where to begin this conversation. This is where a Marriage and Family Therapist can be a helpful guide when having these conversations. 

Here are some reasons that you might be feeling unhappy with your marriage: 

1. Lack of Intimacy 

When most people think of intimacy, sex is usually the first thing that comes to mind. However, a lack of emotional intimacy can make any connection feel empty. Emotional intimacy is a commitment to learn, understand, and empathize with who your spouse is and their hopes, dreams, motivations, etc. When this is lacking, one partner may feel unappreciated or as if their partner does not truly know them. 

Lack of sexual intimacy can also create barriers in a connection. It can also make the other person feel unwanted or unloved. If you are no longer interested in being intimate with your partner, it may be time to talk to a doctor or therapist that specializes in sexual issues.

2. Household Chores

One common cause of disagreement between partners is how the chores around the house are divided. Since they work longer hours or may be the family’s “bread winner,” one spouse may not feel the need to assist around the house. However, this can cause conflict and disagreement if either spouse feels that their workload is uneven. Couples Counseling can be useful in helping each partner find a compromise that satisfies their individual needs.

3. Poor Communication 

One of the most frequent causes of marital conflict is poor communication. Many people make the mistake of assuming that their partner knows what they want, but they rarely do. If your partner doesn’t know how you feel, how can they help meet your emotional needs?  It takes effort and mutual understanding to learn how to communicate effectively. Consulting with an unbiased professional like a Marriage and Family Therapist can help you learn and practice communication skills.

Remember that it’s easy to complain about what your partner isn’t doing but harder and more vulnerable to ask them to do something. Only when we communicate our needs to our partners do they feel empowered to help us.

4. Infidelity

The strength of your marriage can certainly be challenged by infidelity and outside affairs. With the rise of internet and social media, “emotional affairs” are on the climb and adding fire to existing marital issues. If you and your partner are currently dealing with this issue, a therapist can work with the both of you to repair your relationship and restore trust. 

5. Money Problems

Financial problems and disagreements around spending are a common cause for marital problems. You and your partner may have a difference in opinion about saving and spending habits. Over time, these differences often create tension in the relationship. If you’re experiencing money problems, consulting with both a therapist and financial advisor can help you and your spouse get on the same page about managing your finances. 

6. Fertility Struggles

Many married couples assume that having a child will be a straightforward process once they are ready to start a family. However, many couples experience challenges when they start this journey. Genetics, health issues, and age play a role in this. If you or your spouse are struggling with fertility issues, adoption or in-vitro fertilization are options that are available to you. Consulting with a marriage counselor can help you resolve any issues this may have caused in your marriage. 

7. Trauma 

Unresolved trauma in either spouse’s life is a frequent cause of marital issues that frequently goes unnoticed. Our partners can be emotionally distant, easily angered, and struggle with intimacy as a result of unresolved trauma. In fact, our emotional bonds with our parents and caregivers as children predict how close or distant we will be with our partners as adults! If you or your partner frequently struggle to respond to each other’s emotional needs, you may benefit from speaking with a therapist in either individual or couples counseling. 

What can I do about being unhappy in my marriage?

Even the most broken marriages can be repaired, but it takes time and both partners must be willing to put in the effort. According to research, one of the most important factors in relational repair is the level of motivation of both partners. 

If you are feeling unhappy with your marriage or spouse, odds are that your partner has some areas where they would like to see change happen, too.

If you and your spouse are motivated to find solutions for your marriage, head here to connect with licensed therapists at The Peaceful Mind Counseling Center.